This morning I woke up and decided to erase all trace of twelve year old me off the internet when I stumbled upon this blog and remembered 1) how much I loved writing it and 2) that one New Year resolution I made approximately 11 months ago, promising myself I would keep documenting my life on an at least weekly basis. Needless to say, that never happened, but because I enjoyed it so much, I thought, hey, why not give it another go?
Because I feel like I am a whole new person since I last wrote an entry, I shall pretend this is my very first post and go ahead and introduce myself:
Hello, my name is Vanessa, and I am one of the thousands of Spaniards living in London. I work looking after children and I love music, films and fashion very much. In my opinion autumn is the best season of the year and dogs my favourite thing in the world. This is pretty much all you need to know.
I am pretty sure the reason I ever stopped updating this is because heartbreak was making me sappy so most of my posts started to become drafts. Good news is I realised what I thought was heartbreak wasn't even that deep and got over it real quick, I just never thought of going back to Blogger, so I AM SORRY.

Truth is I'm not entirely sure what this entry was meant to be about when I started it but I do remember I used to have a music tag and I happen to be listening to a brand new album, so I'm guessing it's review time?

1:08AM

I've been using the same old napkin as a bookmark for months now.
It's got nothing on it, but holds a memory of you, somehow.
You don't seem to care anymore unless the skies change from grey to blue,
and it is very tiring although nothing new.
I'm trying to forget now, nothing seems to help.
I miss the fascinated look on your face when I taught you how life was meant to be held.
The world on my fingertips whenever I lay next to you,
how powerful I was, you really don't have a clue.
"You are my favourite colour," I said, you looked at me with a smirk.
I miss your eyes, your smell and your smile as well as your touch, your hair and your words. 

It's been a while since I last posted, but I promised myself I'd continue this blog until the end of the year at least, so here I am alive, sitting in bed coffee in hand and a mess of a mind. So many things have happened in the last few days, some extremely good, some not so much, but overall I am so happy right now. I got to see and properly talk to some of my favourite humans after months and months, had conversations that helped me make decisions and learned a lot about both myself and my friends. I have seen myself involved in situations I would much rather not be in but hey, the important thing is that, even if we all somehow fucked up, everything is sorted now.
Also, I met some lovely people I hope I will have the chance to continue to see regularly in the future.

There is not that much of a point on this post other than to remind myself everything will eventually be okay, no matter how bad it looks, and to never give up, because, whenever you least expect it, the best things will happen.

Much love,
Vanessa xx

It feels like I haven't posted a single thing in aaaaages, even though it's only been a couple of weeks. So many things have been going on though-- I am back in England, I have been to Leicester for a weekend to celebrate Georgina's birthday, and I even have managed to be homesick as hell in between all those events. I am feeling much better now though and can't wait to start that new job at the end of the week.

Today's post is just going to be a top 5 of all the items I'm hoping to be able to purchase this spring, so I'm going to have to start saving up asap!

1) Denim button up dungaree dress

This one is from Urban Outfitters (£55) but because I am nothing more than a broke teenager I will definitely have a look on various thrift stores and markets before I spend that fifty five quid on a dress I could potentially get for a couple pounds. 

I HAVEN'T POSTED IN SO LONG I AM ABSOLUTE TRASH

I have literally been working at my mumma's cafe for like 16 hours a day for the last couple of weeks and even though it is tiring as hell the people there have all made it so worth it. The cafe is placed in a really, really small town on the skirt of El Montseny, one of the tallest mountains in Catalonia. That one town is so tiny it's not even on a map, only 500 people live there, and most of them work the fields and breed sheep and chickens. I also must add they're all pretty weird, in a good way. Some of our most regular costumers are so nice to us, they honestly just feel like family. Today, for example, I was given a snapback by this man, Jordi, who comes over every single day and waits until we shut just to make sure we make it home safe and have no trouble dealing with drunks or anything along those lines. He is literally the nicest man I have ever met. There is also this girl, Rosa, whom I think didn't like me at all when I first met her, but then she turned out to be pretty great and we're getting along really well. Another one of my favourite costumers is Tomàs; he's this 50-something year old man, but he's just so funny.

In the last few years, I have developed a huge adoration towards cinema, and I would love to share some of my favourite films with you all. These are ten of the movies I love the most, in no particular order:

1. Edward Scissorhands
As a big fan of both Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, I feel like crying a little bit every time they work together. Edward Scissorhands being one of the first Tim Burton films I ever watched, has remained one of my absolute favourites ever since, making me cry every single time.
The design on the movie as a whole is super pretty as well, it makes me wish I could live in a neighbourhood like Peg's one day, and hopefully meet a human, if that's even what he should be classified under, as lovely as Edward himself.




2. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Not gonna lie-- I never knew this movie was based off a book until a long while after I'd watched it for the first time, and even though I've been dying to read it ever since I learned this, I haven't had the chance to get myself a copy yet, so I can't compare the two. I have to say, though, I am a sucker for Michael Cera and everything he does to the point where I am willing to kiss the ground he steps on, and that's the reason I ever watched it in the first place. That being said, the soundtrack on this movie is one of my all time favourites, which makes it just that little bit better; in my case, a "little bit" meaning a huge lot better.
Honestly, if you like music as much as I do, you need to watch this.




3. Donnie Darko
I love all alien/supernatural/dream-meaning stuff, so Donnie Darko is a must for me. Either way, I truly believe this is one of the films everyone should watch at least twice in their lives. I say twice because, every time I see it, I notice something new. It makes you think and concentrate, which makes me only be able to watch it when I'm in the mood, but that doesn't make me love it any less at all.

"If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got."

Happy 48th Birthday, Kurt, you were an asshole, but damn, were you one clever asshole. We could blame the drugs, but you probably would have passed away anyway due to your illness. From what I gathered througout the years, I would have shared so many of your views when it came to life, but, from the bottom of my heart, I feel like you wanted to live so badly, life itself killed you. You were so desperate to feel alive, you ended up dead. You wanted to have the most interesting life anyone had ever lived, to the point where you admittedly made up some parts of your it. You were a selfish bastard, refusing to work for your own bread, and yet, somehow, you managed to make it all work out. You loved being a victim, an outcast, and you also loved to complain about everything and anything, but never did anything about whatever was bothering you so much.
You never let yourself admit to like anything at all, just wishing to be as uncool as you could be, to the point where you could not even compliment your own music, the one you'd composed yourself. In all honesty, I blame you for all those music snobs who believe hating everything and everyone is the way to go. You were a hypocrite, but we forgive you, for you seemed to have a very troubled mind, and even though I believe you did do a shit tone of things wrong, you also did speak some truth every once in a while. You were not afraid to be yourself, and taught a lot of people to do the same.
One of my favourte Kurt Cobain quotes is "Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock."

One of my favourite things to do ever, is to make playlists. As you might have already guessed by all those music posts I am a huge fan of music and its history, and having the right soundtrack to everything I do is quite important. The last couple of weeks I have had to travel on my dad's bike quite a lot, for about an hour every day, and listening to the right music makes it just that much more enjoyable, so I made myself a playlist-- which you can listen to clicking here. Some of the songs are the most cliché, some others aren't, but they're all some of my all time favourites I only ever really listen when I'm home but wish I would listen to more often.

Hiya! I'm back with one more "Underrated artist of the week", which is easily becoming my favourite subject to blog about.
 ALSO!! Check out the bottom of this post for updates on The Maine's album situation and their new single!
This week I would like to introduce you to Echosmith, to me one of those little bands you keep a warm, speacial place in your heart even if you don't talk about them 24/7.

Echosmith formed in Los Angeles back in 2009, when the four Sierota siblings decided to start playing music together, having Sydney as their female lead singer. As far as I know, they started off posting covers of bands such as Coldplay and Mumford and Sons, but reached their peak when their single Cool Kids was released. Cool Kids has been welcomed to the world by tons of different people with different music tastes due to it being this really nice pop/indie/rock mix anyone would enjoy, having The Smiths as one of their biggest influences-- the same happens with their album Talking Dreams, which you can listen to on Spotify.

Last night I was home alone and felt like having something sweet to eat, and because I'm too lazy for pancakes and too broke to go get crap food, I decided to try out the mug cupcakes Georgia keeps talking about. The one I made turned out pretty well and tasted hella good, so I can't wait to try different recipes, but for now here's the one I used!

 All you're going to need to make the loveliest chocolate cupcake is:

• 4 tbsp of self raising flour
• 4 tbsp of caster sugar
• 2 tbsp of cocoa powder
• 1 egg
• 3 tbsp milk
• 3 tbsp vegetable/sunflower oil (I ran out of it and used olive oil, and it probably did make a difference but I honestly could not tell)
• A few drops vanilla-- any other essence will work just as well
• 2 tbsp chocolate chips, nuts, raisins, etc. (These are optional)

One of the questions I have been asked the most in the last couple of years is about what I do for a living. I've come across loads of people interested in knowing how au-pairing works so they can decide whether they can do it themselves or not, and others just want to know out of curiosity, so here's a post with everything you need to know based on my experience!

The main reason why I ever started aupair-ing is because I absolutely adore travelling, and this was such a great opportunity to do so. My job as an au-pair consists in looking after the family I chose to work for's children as well as doing some housework for a maximum of 30 hours a week, the rest of the time is off. It is very important to discuss what your tasks are when you speak to your potential host-families and make a wise decision, because if things are not arranged beforehand, they could ask you to do a lot more than they should once you move in with them. Keep in mind it is your right to work for a maximum of 30 hours a week, if you work more, you're considered an Aupair Plus and should be getting paid quite a lot more. Your working hours would usually be from the time the children wake up to 9 when they go to school, and from 4pm until their parents return home, unless you're looking after younger children, in which case you need to come to an agreement with the family. Two days a week off are another one of your rights but you will be asked to babysit every once in a while.
When it comes to salaries, you should be getting between £60 to £100/110 per week plus food and a room for you to live in. Each family will offer differet pocket money rates, also depending on whether you work less than those 30 hours a week or don't do any housework, or work the whole 30 hours and do loads of housework. Do not accept less than £60 though, considering the amount of free time you get you will be going out a lot and even if it's just for a coffee, once you've paid for your transport, your beverage and maybe a sandwich if you get hungry on your way home, you will be left with nothing by the end of the week.

Because sometimes I struggle finding things to post about, and one of my goals in 2015 is to listen to at least one new band every week, I figured the best thing to do would be to start an "Underrated artist of the week" section on this blog. For this first week, I would like to talk about one of my all time favourite bands, The Maine.

The Maine are five boys from Arizona who have been making music together since early 2006. One of my favourite things about their work is the fact that you can't really label it as anything-- every album of theirs has a complete different sound to all the others, but somehow, it still sounds like The Maine. They definitely have made pop music in the past, they've gone through an indie sound, and more recently they released Forever Halloween, my favourite album of theirs so far, which sounds a lot more like rock and roll. Even when it comes to covers they have the most versatile sounds and choices; they have played songs from Big Jet Plane by Angus and Julia Stone to Roses by OutKast.

Hiyaaaa!! I'm back and typing from my phone so I apologise for bad picture distribution at least until I get to use my laptop either tomorrow or on Monday, buy anyway, I feel like my skin has been getting soooo much better recently which is great news considering I tend to suffer really bad breakouts whenever I'm home in Spain, so I decided it was time for a skincare routine post!

My biggest problems when it comes to my skin are acne and really big pores. The second problem I found easy to solve once I discovered Poundland facial exfoliating wipes were a thing and wiping my makeup off with those instead of my regular wipes every night helped loads with black heads and all that jazz, so nowI makeup is much easier to apply and I don't even use primer. Note I don't use that much makeup either though.

The second problem I found quite a lot more persistent, but now it is most definitely solved. 

I use different products every other day, but this one is always the same: 

Every night after I wipe off my makeup I cleanse my face throughly with Lutsine E45 Bactopur. What this does is it helps keep my pores clean as well as make my skin a little bit less greasy. 

The second step though, varies every other night. One day I'll use Peroxiben Gel, and the other I'll use Rosehip oil. The first works miracles on pimples and breakouts, making the redness disappear almost instantly and the pimple be most likely gone the next morning. The Rosehip oil I use for scars. One of my biggest regrets is ever popping my pimples because I now have to face the consequences and those are the ugly ass scars on my cheeks and underneath my lips. What the oil does is it regenerates the skin and trust me it works. My mum was told by her surgeon to use it and he was right when he told her.

Throwback to June 2014.
This is one of those ridiculous decisions you only make when you're in your twenties and seeing as I would absolutely despise to forget about it I thought I might as well write it down.
Basically, my friends and I thought it'd be a good idea to camp for the Summertime Ball festival at Wembley. If I'm honest with you, the only reason I ever decided to go to that festival even though the music that was going to be played was not my thing at all was because 1) I thought it'd be a lot of fun to go with Georgina, Aimée and Georgia and 2) one of my favourite bands, 5SOS was playing -- click here to check out their cover of What I Like About You by The Romantics yo!!
Long story short, we are very irresponsible teenagers/young adults and bought a shitload of alcohol just to make the night pass by smoothly. Needless to say that plan didn't work out. We made friends with some people in the queue, honestly they were really nice, but I'm 98% sure they didn't like us by the end of the night, and I don't blame them. I ended up getting wasted on piña colada and Georgina puking in a portaloo. We also somehow managed to get to the hotel where bands like The Vamps were staying and had one of them record us as we yelled out the lyrics to some of 5SOS's songs, whom by the way, to top it all off, had been parked about 50 meters away from us all night long without us realising.

1. What is Your Name?
    Vanessa
2. How old are you?
    20 !
3. What does the url to your blog mean?
    It's All Time Low's album's name
4. What is your height?
    1,82m / 5'10
5. Do you have any siblings?
    Two sisters
6. What is your eye colour?
    Brown
7. What is your hair colour?
    Naturally, dark brown
8. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
    I do indeed! Only need them to watch telly or when I'm on my computer though
9. Are you right handed or left handed?
   Left handed
10. Do you have any piercings?
    Yep!

Happiness
 ˈhapɪnəs/
noun
  the state of being happy.

Happiness plays what I consider the most important role in life, and seeing people putting it in someone else's hands makes me so uneasy.
I believe each one of us should be responsible for our own well-being, and sometimes that requires a little bit of selfish-ness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should all just do what we think is best for ourselves without keeping in mind anyone else's feelings, that is not the right thing to do, but in certain situations it is important to know how important we are. I learned the hard way making others happy is not my responsibility, and when someone tries to make you feel bad about not being up to their expectations and keeping them content, they're not worth your time. Having to worry about your so-called-friends as well as yourself is mentally draining and unhealthy. Those are toxic people and they're poison. Walk away from them, you don't need them in your life. And if you really were so bad to them, I'm sure they would have stopped being in contact with you a long time ago.

HIYAAAA!! It's late and I should be sleeping buuuut i haven't posted anything in a couple of days and today I've been working with new makeup techniques and I am honestly so happy with the results I just thought I would share with whomever might like to read my blog as well as my future self!

This morning Sugarscape posted a few "grunge" makeup looks tips and I just mixed a few of them because why not. 

These are the products I used for future reference:

- Stay Time foundation by Seventeen

- Natural Collection cover up cream

- Bronze Glow bronzer

- Tokalon blusher and eyeshadow 36

- Just a regular, cheap primark eyeliner 

- Eyebrow sculpting pencil by Seventeen

- Blacklash mascara by Seventeen

- Maybelline lasting drama gel eyeliner

"Shit fuck I made a mistake, I thought I needed a break. The truth is I'm such a dick, it's broke and can't be fixed."

Today is, for the second time, one of the saddest days in the music industry. Blink-182 have been one of the most influencial bands in the pop-punk scene since Travis Barker, Mark Hoppus and Tom DeLonge first started, back in 1992. Now that's a shit ton of time, I wasn't even born and they were already trying to change the world.

Feminism and equality are such important issues recently, I feel like I need to write about them at some point, and that point is today.

Maybe because I was raised in a pretty open-minded household, or maybe because I have travelled and experienced a lot of different cultures, or even maybe because I have spent way too much time on tumblr, I have learnt to accept a lot of different people, and also to fight against and for others I refuse to ignore. 

Racism and mysogony are real issues I struggle to comprehend. Up until just a few months back I truly believed closed-minded people like that didn't exist anymore, and oh boy, was I wrong. The only reason I never realised how fucked up the world is, is because I never learnt to acknowledge the signs. As a girl, I was never taught what my rights were, so I never knew when someone was being a mysoginist. The media shows certain news only, so I never knew how badly non-White, non-heterosexual people were treated.

What I have recently learnt though, is that, as a girl, I do have rights. I should not walk around at night thinking about whom I walk past, in my case, living in a dodgy neighbourhood in London, carrying around a whistler, just in case I get robbed/raped/whatever a man feels like doing to me. A black human should not be scared of a policeman who could take their life for no reason and end up not even going to jail. An Islamist should not be treated like a terrorist because of their religion. There are lots of things to fight for, and we can not ignore them. We do need equality for everyone, and we need to fight for it. Girls need to support other girls and fight the media. Compliment other girls, be nice to other girls, help other girls, and don't feel threatened by them. We need to stick together. Accept all sexualities, because sex should not be a threat either. Accept cisgenders, gays, transgenders, bisexuals, pansexuals, and every other sexuality you can think of. They are also fighting for their rights and are just as human as anyone else. BUT REMEMBER, never degrade anyone. Don't trash-talk butthurt white boys just because they're butthurt white boys- that makes you just as bad as they might be. Use words and arguments, it's the only way through. 

The world is a fucked up place, but I believe that, all together, we can fix it. If I ever am lucky enough to have a baby girl, I don't want her to live with fear of walking around the city at night, I want her to live in a safe place.

My dad brought home a pretty good movie last night, The Babadook. I really enjoyed watching it; family time doesn't happen that often for me and now that I have fixed a date to leave Spain I feel the need to appreciate it just that much more. I'm so damn excited to be back in London though, it's pretty much all I've been thinking about the last few days. So many people to see and things to celebrate- plus All Time Low's show just a few days after I land. 

Recently I have started feeling the need to donate my hair so that little children with cancer can have it. I found an organisation that will take it even though it's been bleached and I honestly don't know what to do. I put so much effort into growing it, shaving it all off would make me so sad. I guess I'll have to think about it a bit more. 

I'm planning on watching The Spice Girls's movie later on, but before that Dad's got another film he would like to watch, so we're gonna do that. Hopefully my afternoon/evening will turn out as nice as my morning. 

Much love,

 Vanessa xx

The last few days haven't really been that interesting, to be honest, but I do feel the need to document them, so here is this.
Just yesterday my family and I went up the mountain to see the snow, and it was so nice for a change. It felt so weird how the weather went from sunny to snowing as we drove up.

Because I have also been feeling a bit sick lately, I have been using  my time to re-read Looking For Alaska and watching some classics such as Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Beetlejuice, The Spotless Mind of Eternal Sunshine or Edward Scissorhands, the latest being one of my favourite films of all time. Gotta love me some Tim Burton. It's just such a beautiful story. I have also been watching The Office and let me tell you, Jim Halpert is the best human I have ever encountered, I am literally in love.
Another one of my favourite things to do in my free time is to make playlists. The last one I made on Spotify and I honestly reckon it's the best I have ever made in my 20 years of existence. Just click here and play it on shuffle, you'll thank me later. Keep in mind it was created at 4am.

That is pretty much all I have done these couple of days other than planning my return home, I need to save up as much as I can so I can spend some extra time at Georgina's and visit the rest of my emo squad, so I don't get to go out much unless it's with my family.
I am very much looking forward to carry on updating this blog, hopefully regularly. Looking back at old entries is one of my favourite things to do, and I love documenting my life.

Much love,
Vanessa xx

Holy fuck it's been a while and damn have things changed. First of, some of the people I used to write about on here are no longer my friends. Second of, all my plans have taken a dramatic turn to the point where my hopes and dreams are no longer the same at all. London has become my home; my friends are here, my job is here, and basically my whole life except for my family is here. I am hoping to move out and live in the city with one of my new (but not any less important) friends Ana by the end of the year, but for now I am still au-pairing. I have decided 2015 is going to be one of the best years of my life, and I'm not going to stop myself if I ever spontaneously decide to go on a trip to Amsterdam, France, or China. I want to live life to the fullest. No plans for the future, no worries, no nothing. I want to live the present and do what I want to do. I want to experience everything.

Right at this moment I am in Spain. I finished my last au-pairing job in December and decided to have a long holiday at home. My flight back to London is on the 10th of March, and I am counting down the days. Hopefully my next host-family is going to be as lovely as my last one with which I spent over a year of my life.
One of my long-term plans is to start psychology in September, but you never know, it may not happen, and being honest with you, even though I should, I don't really care that much. Another one of my long-term plans is to learn to tattoo and do it for a living, but it's not so easy so we'll see.

I have met so many great friends since I moved to the city, it's honestly unreal, and I am eternally grateful.

Either way, I am really hoping this post is the start of a new era for this old ass blog. I remember really enjoying typing down my feelings and hopefully it will still feel the same in the future.

Much love,
Vanessa xx